Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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