thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
