I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
