On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
