chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
