Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
