dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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