Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
