some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I want is dick and wine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
