I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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