i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
