yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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