No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So much rum. So many feels.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
