The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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