his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
