they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
