He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
