Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
