I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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