1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
