found the other keg... it's in the tree
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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