If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
