Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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