I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
