Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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