my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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