i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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