this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just gift wrapped bread.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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