ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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