Jerry, you need to find god
Its about making memories worth repressing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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