I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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