He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
