I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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