if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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