last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
