We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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