you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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