I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I came so hard my ears popped.
And then he peed in my hair
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