his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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