why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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