i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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