when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
