names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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