i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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