the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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