If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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