Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
