just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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