I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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