I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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