he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
