Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
