I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
