he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
