Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
