you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
