He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
