He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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