I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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