Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
