So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're too hungover to prance.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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