how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
