I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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