i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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