So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The feeling are messing with the penis
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
